I still love my job, but I guess that the honeymoon's over. Oh, they still love me too, but the tough financial year means that we had to do some things that nobody wanted to do, and because I happen to be very good at my job - managing projects - I've had to lead some of those efforts, like closing offices. While the company I work for has actually been very generous with severance and relocations, still, some people have lost their jobs and that sucks. More of the same is on tap for this year, I'm sure, and I'm sure I'll have to do a lot more unpleasant things to people I like, and I HATE it. As one of them pointed out to me, it would suck worse to have to work with someone who didn't care, but I don't find that much comfort. Between that, and spending an excessive amount of time traveling to take care of those various tasks, I just haven't felt much like talking about it. I'm tired, I have depressing tasks to do, and the stuff I really love doing is on hold indefinitely while we figure out how to do a lot more with a lot less.

Jim's had another significant pay cut, while his expenses for being in Chicago haven't gone down at all, and there's no good way to reduce expenses. He's at the point where if anything more happens, he'll just have to quit because he won't be making any money. Of course, our bills haven't gone down either, so that's stressful. David could use our help because his houseing situation just got a lot more expensive at school due to a roommate problem, and there's nothing to help him with, which sucks more.

Then, of course, was my Dad's cancer, which wasn't all that serious and treatment has been successful and not tough on him physically. Definitely could have been worse, but stressful - and then, as soon as we got past that, the company he retired from went bankrupt and it turns out that his pension was not "guaranteed" - meaning unfunded, meaning that his comfortable retirement just went to hell, along with his medical insurance. And of course there's no money to help him either.

I keep reminding myself that there are people losing their jobs and homes all over the country, and that we're getting by and should be grateful for the blessings we have. Even if Jim has to quit, we'll still be able to afford a place to live and food to eat and to pay the utilities - the worst thing about it would be that we'd probably have to file bankruptcy. But in the big scheme of things, we'd still be better off than most people, and in another year he can file for Social Security. David will figure it out, even if it takes him another year or even two to graduate. Dad and stepmom at least have social security, so they won't starve even if they won't be comfortable, and if worse came to absolute worst, we could share a house. We've still got a few options left.

But while I'm telling myself that, I also know that things are quite likely to get a whole lot worse before they get better, and so it's hard to even enjoy the little blessings we have. I just worry and fret and feel like the whole world has turned gray.

So that's the news, guys. I hope you all are doing well.

1. I'm independent, but not well adjusted, but productive and motivated to accomplish things (at least if they're things I want to accomplish). I always carry my share of the responsibilities to earn money and but do the minimum scut work it takes to run a household.

2. I'm not socially gifted, frequently don't like people, sometimes have major tantrums, am occasionally a drama queen, I'm appropriately appreciative, at least of Jim, but am frequently not easy to get along with.

3. I have an unhealthy streak of neuroticism and insecurity that pops up often enough for him to know I really need him and rely on him for my emotional security. (After all, it's nice to be needed!)

4. I'm not boring, I come up with new and fun (or aggravating) ideas on a regular basis. Or if I can't come up with anything I whine and complain until something occurs to one of us. In any case, I don't let us just fall into a dreary blah relationship.

5. I still really like sex, even after 14 years. I am pretty sure I am most of my friends are not in this catagory.

6. I have a great sense of humor and usually find myself (and him and us) quite amusing which helps a very good amount over the long run. (Note this post, as an example.)

7. I don't like to spend money all that much. I'd be happy living in a studio apartment. Clothes don't interest me. If we got poor, I wouldn't find it intolerable.

8. I am an um... well, creative and adventurous cook. At least meals aren't boring.

9. I love our kids but will never be mother of the year material. My relationship with them is best characterized as "interested but not heavily involved", these days.

10. I've got 1 year into a retirement plan.

11. I'm relatively healthy (at the moment.)

12. I'm loyal as hell.

Wow, Ann, we don't have nearly as much in common as I'd guessed....

The Very Large Bank that Jim works for at the moment announced a 15% rate cut for all consultants, retroactively. Being a VLB, they can get away with that crap, despite having contracts in place, because hey, which supplier is going to sue them and cut off their own noses to spite their faces? So the contract companies pass the rate cute directly to the contractors, and hey presto, everyone is happy but the contractors, and who cares what they think anyway? If they complain, we'll just replace them with cheap Indian contractors who can't do the job, can't speak the language, and know nothing about banking.

Thanks, Mr Bush and Mr Obama, for raising the caps on work visas and killing off the IT industry in the US. But that's ok, our kids can be bank tellers and make minimum wage, and they'll be happy to get the work. And you should be happy too, knowing that unknown, non-citizen, non-employees have access to your banking information and that if your personal information is stolen by one of them, the odds are that you'll never even know that it was through your bank outsourcing maintenance to the lowest bidder. Does it make you feel safe to know that your data is dumped into development systems and used for testing in India and Kuala Lampur? I know it makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

Oh, and don't worry, the damage isn't limited to IT. Everything is being off-shored. I even saw a thing the other day about our kids being tutored on line by off-shore "resources". See how great globalization is for our economy? In a couple of generations, we'll be hungry enough that maybe we'll get to be the cheap off-shore solution and share in the "wealth". Man, we live in a great country.

I do worry, though, that there won't be any wealth for Mr. Obama to redistribute. But hey, that's his problem. I just have to figure out a way to pay all those taxes we need to bail out the banks and the insurance companies and the auto industry and oh yeah, then there's univeral health care - on minimum wage. I don't have to make the plan work, I just have to pay for it while they send my husband's job off-shore to Bangalore.

Jim is still working there, but only until some other sweatshop job comes along.

Let's see, what else?

My job is good. I'm buried - we just added a new business, and I've been traveling with the team bringing them on line to various locations. My two major projects are still on-going, although changed beyond recognition now - we just closed the office where most of the employees who support that line of business were employed. The company offered them all relocation, but some won't move, of course, so now we have a business um... challenge of unprecedented proportions because there was not one single non-critical employee left in that line of business. To say that business is in trouble would be an understatement, so we're scrambling trying to do damage control - it remains to be seen whether we can keep them floating or not.

So I've got lots of work, and plenty of challenges, but I'm also well-respected and included in the counsels of the powerful and treated well (and oh yeah, got a raise), so I have no complaints. Boredom isn't an issue at this job or this company, but man, if you don't tolerate change well, this ain't the job for you. Fortunately, my background prepares me well for turning on a dime and living on endorphins, so I'm a perfect fit.

Kids are great. The rest of the relatives are fine. Everything is beautiful. And that, my friends, is all the news that's fit to print.

Let's see, what's up in Indianapolis? Well, the only bad news is that my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. However, he's 70, it's not an aggressive cancer, and the odds of him living long enough for it to cause him problems or kill him are very low. They're going to treat it, but very conservatively, with some kind of pellet implants, and the docs tell him to not expect to have any side effects. They're doing that next week. While it worries me, I'm not losing too much sleep. Things could be a whole lot worse.

In the also could be worse department, kid is taking an extra year to finish college. He blew a bit of smoke at his dad and me about a second major, but by August he confessed that he'd kind of screwed up his last year and had to re-take three classes to graduate. I was suitably annoyed and disapproving, of course, and I admit to being a little disappointed - but in the big scheme of things, it's not a tragedy. He did very well his first three years, and he's earning the money to pay for the extra year, and he's taking all the responsibility. He didn't drop out, or do anything any worse than cost himself some money and a year of time. To be honest with you all, although I didn't say this to him, I've done a hell of a lot worse. For that matter, so did his dad - and his step dad. If that's the worst mistake he ever makes, I'm a lucky mom. I just hope he learns something from it.

Jim is still in Chicago. That is really starting to suck, needless to say. Two years now that we've spent apart, with only weekends together. Sometimes I wish I didn't like him quite so much - it wouldn't be so hard.

But, on the up side, he's got a couple of possibilities working, so we're hoping it will work out. At least he's still employed, so it could be a lot worse.

Now, to me. I'm good. Still love the job, and they still love me. I just picked up a second, very large, very high profile project. Well, picked up makes it sound like I picked it, but they really picked me. The project is around a system that they've tried three times in five years to build, and failed all three times. In each case, the project manager was unable to put together a workable decision package that both the users and management could accept. Looking at the work product, I can see why, but it remains to be seen whether I can make it happen. Managing IT projects is hard, and it's really about impossible when the PM doesn't manage scope carefully - in all three cases, they ended up with a huge, expensive proposal that included every blue sky idea you can think of, and ran into the many millions of dollars.

So, I started with "What MUST we do to stay in business?" That's the scope. That's it. We'll design it so that the blue sky stuff can get bolted on later, but we're going to build this proposal around a scope that is what we need and no more. Since they have no system at all right now, that will be an improvement - they're running the entire product line on Excel spreadsheets and Access databases.

The good news is that these are the same users I'm already working with, they like me, they trust me, and I was their idea - with full approval from the management team. Everyone agrees that this time we'll design big, but build small, at least for a first release. We'll just have to go from there and see if we can put together a decision package we can get approved.

My original project is going very, very well. We're about 60 days ahead of schedule, and have hit or beat every milestone date and budget point. Everything we've delivered so far has been signed off by the users and put into production with a minimum of pain and suffering. Since nobody has delivered usable product to this group since the group got bought five years ago, I'm considered to be a miracle worker. lol the truth is that I'm just mean, stubborn, and absolutely committed to making them do the right thing and like it. And they do like it, so I must be doing something right.

Let's see, what else. I'm working on my PM certification, and my insurance industry certification. I'm reading three books - Customer-Centered Products, The Third Chimpanzee, and The Ancestor's Tale. I just finished up two works of historical fiction about Genghis Khan - Genghis: Birth of an Empire, and Genghis: Lords of the Bow, and am starting another series by the same author about ancient Rome - Emperor: The Gates of Rome. I'm back on Weight Watchers and have lost 10 pounds in the last month. The only thing I feel like I still need to get under control is getting some exercise. I've got the rowing machine, but am doing good to get to it three nights a week.

And that's all the news that's fit to print. Things are good, I'm feeling challenged and having fun and doing well and learning a lot. I can ask for more, of course, and do, but I can still remember the days when I would go to work every day and start the day off listening to Hold On, by Wilson Phillips and thinking that I was doomed to being in a crappy job, in a life I hated, away from Jim, forever. It can get better, but boy, I know well that it can be worse!

Now, who would guess that an apartment complex would have poison ivy growing on the patio? Not I. And now I'm covered with the stuff.

I've had poison ivy many times in my life, and it's just an annoyance. Blisters, itching, yuckiness. You live through it and it dries up and goes away. But not this time.

I ended up covered in hives, eyes swollen shut, throat swelling. Had to go to the urgent care clinic, where they gave me a shot of steroids and a ten day course of Prednisone, antihistimine eye drops, and Benedryl. Two days later, I still look like the Michelin man, but at least I can breathe and mostly talk, although my throat is very sore.

Jim, of course, doesn't have even a blister to show for it. His worst symptom is sympathy itching.

The doc's theory is that I managed to inhale some of it, which triggered a more serious allergic reaction than just skin exposure would have caused. All I can tell you is that THIS SUCKS.